It’s Not Like They’ve Done Anything Wrong. They Only Worship Satan
Goths. We all hate them, but we can’t do anything about it. They are allowed to walk among us, polluting the public scenery and rebelling against everything possible without penalties. Many citizens have actually moved due to the large Goth population in their neighborhood, only to discover that Goths are everywhere and that they will soon govern this country. So how do we expel these people from our great nation? How do we rid our rich soil of these wrist-slitting offenders? First, we must find out what makes a Goth so dangerous to society.
The word “Goth” is derived from the biblical term “Gothic,” which means “Someone who should be shot.” In many books of the bible, Goths are mentioned enslaving the Jews, crucifying Jesus, and destroying the world. In fact, few people know that the word “Armageddon” is Gothic for “picnic.”
Two thousand years ago, when the bible took place, the Goth population was very small. There were only four of five Goths in all of West Asia, and they were usually too busy cutting their thighs to do anything productive. Nowadays, however, scientists predict that there are over 110 million Goths nation-wide; all producing enough blood from their thighs to fill Lake Champlain. They can be seen buying food from public grocery stores, playing sports on public fields, and roaming the halls of public schools. Their unhinged attitude and lack of self-control is spreading freely around America, and it needs to be stopped.
You’re probably wondering why I can make all of these ridiculous assumptions and stereotypes about the Goth community and speculate that they are the downfall of America. Well the sad truth is that I know more about Goths than anyone ever should. I have been living with a Goth for about 2 years now, and I have been observing his lifestyle in an attempt to understand them better. I guess you could say that I’m the Jane Goodall of Goths. In my studies I found out how one becomes Goth, what Goths do to out-rank each other, and how to distinguish between a Goth and a Punk Rocker. And through my famed publicity of this world-renown blog, I am going to share my findings with the world.
My brother became Goth a little less than 2 years ago. He may have wanted to transfer earlier but was not provided the opportunity because there was no tragedy. This is because the only way to become Goth is to suffer a hardship in your life. Generally, it’s a family death, abusive childhood, or alcoholic parent that drives you to become Goth, but some desperate wannabes call upon less extreme afflictions such as list earrings, bad dream, sour milk, etc. It is essential that your Gothic lifestyle begins with a tragedy or else you will be referred to as a “poser.” A poser in the Goth community is the lowest of the low. He is hated by everyone and everything and is never allowed to show his mascara-covered face again. Typical posers will not admit to being one, but can also never give you a legitimate reason as to why they are Goth. Not that it matters; all reasons for being Goth are bullcrap because the only time you should be allowed to hate life is if you have the same career, publicity, and name as Andy Dick.
The main question folks ask is why people become Goth. Why would someone want to be hated by everyone? Why would they choose to be the lowest species on the social ladder—below above anime-lovers—when everything was going fine before? The answer is simple: attention. Oh sure, they may have had a shred of dignity before their traumatic accident (getting a C+ on a math test), but no one was really looking at them. But now that they’re Goth, people not only look at them, they call them horrid names and throw rocks at them too!
Okay, I’m getting a little too worked up; let me slow down. When someone becomes Goth, people ask him why. What he really wants to say is “because I’m an attention-craving loser who wants people to look at him no matter what the cost,” but instead he will preach something along the lines of “because I don’t agree with the cliques and images the media drives into our head. Every year the government puts millions of dollars into telling us what to do, what to wear, and what to say. People who were once so free to think what they want have been brainwashed by the subliminal messages they see daily. Earth is no longer a place to appreciate nature, but rather a storm of marching clones who all wear what their told, say what their told, and have never once gone against the rules. We let other people determine what is cool; we let other people shape our images, and it’s not right.”
The Goth kid will continue this rant until you hit him in the head with a desk. In my years of study, I have learned that when you ask a Goth a question, you should warn him in advance that if he exceeds the 20 second answer limit, he will be quartered. But I’m getting off track.
Goth people claim that they are against the images driven into society’s head that make everyone look the same. If that is the idea they’re rebelling against, why do all Goths look the same? Why are the people denouncing “public cloning” all dressing in black pants and wearing dark makeup? I’ll tell you why: they’re stupid liars. Goths are too thickheaded to realize that their alibi is hypocritical and doesn’t make sense. By all stating that they’re against cliques, they’ve created their own clique!
Another example is anarchists. These people claim to be against group rules and leaders, yet they assemble. And when they do assemble, they obviously have someone in charge (a leader) and guidelines to follow (rules). The only way to be a true anarchist is to literally do everything people tell you not to do while you individually do around breaking rules; also known as an asshole.
My point is that you can’t trust Goths because everything they say is a lie. They’re too mindless to get their made up reason straight, not recognizing the fact that an anti-group crowd is still a group, regardless of how retarded the members are.
Once a person has achieved the amount of attention they wanted by becoming Goth, they only thing they can do is maintain it by performing ridiculous acts. Basically anything that gets you negative attention will work when you’re a Goth, the most popular being dressing in all black all the time. Other methods include not ever showering, wearing heavy pants in the summer, listening to deafening music, and—in extreme cases—becoming a lesbian. There really isn’t anything radical and extreme you can do to become Super Goth because all Goths so the same thing, hence the social-grouping they’re so hypocritically against. If a Goth actually wanted to be against what all the other Goths were doing, he would wear rainbow overalls and sing I’ve Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts while picking dandelions in his backyard (also known as Andy Dick).
My brother, who was the main specimen in this study, has taken many of the usual steps to becoming Goth. Thankfully he still showers every night, but he has grown his hair out and dyed it black. He always dresses in black jeans, even in the midst of summer, and he wears the same clothes every day. I’m partial to think that this is due to his decaying brain tissue after watching the “I Love New York Marathon”, but inside I know it’s because he’s Goth. No matter the reason, he will not change or wash his clothes. He thinks that just because he showers he won’t smell like a litter box when he puts on his sweaty, crusty sweatshirt. And because I share a room with him, I will return from school to find my room smelling like an asshole.
Another huge thing Goths pretend to do is overdose on pills. I say “pretend” because the only people who OD on pills are heart-broken middle schoolers and rock stars. Most—normal—people stay far away from pills, but Goths worship them. They think that ODing on pills is the coolest thing anyone could ever do. This is not true because in Episode 43 of “Walker Texas Ranger”, I saw Chuck Norris actually punch a man so hard that all of the man’s immediate family died, and the majority of his other relatives were diagnosed with massive malignant tumors. I’m really not sure what makes overdosing so cool; maybe the fact that you’re willing to risk your life to get a high, or that you’ve finally found a use for an overstock of Tylenol. My brother told all his friends that our family got an overstock of prescription medicine and that he would get high whenever he wanted. This may be true, but it doesn’t disregard the fact that he dances in the shower to Kelly Clarkson.
But the most popular activity for Goths to do is to cut themselves. In a way, the amount a person cuts can determine how Goth they are, which, in turn, can show you how much attention they want. Sure, they might claim that the cuts release tension that is built up inside of them from their traumatic experience (forgetting their lunchbox on the school bus). Hell, they might even go as far as to say that each cut represents a horrible adversity they had to overcome (untied shoelace, pulpy orange juice, their CD skipping, etc.). My personal favorite is that “I cut myself just to see if I’m still alive” crap. But no matter what they tell you, the only real reasons Goths cut themselves is to show off their scars.
Depending on where you cut, there are many different ways to show off your grotesque scars. The most common place is the wrist, which is probably the best area to cut because it’s not like there are any major veins there. If you do slit your wrist, the thing to do is wear a sweat band for a few months until the scab goes away and you have a nice clean scar. During these months you will truly feel like an idiot when things like sweat, dust and fabric get into your wound and infect it. But when you’re all healed, you “forget” your sweat band and “accidentally” place your hand right in front of your friends face. Then when he confronts you about it, you make up some elaborate story about how you were in a bad mood so you got high and cut it with a sharpened fork while injecting ecstasy into your arm, where in reality you were doing it crying on your bathroom floor with a sock in your mouth to smother the pathetic screams of agony. Retard.
Once the word gets around school that you cut yourself and everyone thinks that you’re a psychotic loose cannon, you can sit back and enjoy the attention. However, you must make sure that your parents don’t find out you cut yourself, or your 15 minutes of fame could turn into 4 years of therapy, random drug tests, and a dick-head shrink.
Now that you know what causes people to become Goth and how to distinguish one, you can help me in my fight against them. With your help I can prevent Goths from actually making a name for themselves and keep them at the lowest point in society. How do we do it? Listen carefully.
WARNING: The following not only contains math, but also includes explicit notions of viciously murdering all Goths by throwing their limp bodies onto a massive bon fire and parading around it. Although I suppose all the toxic smoke from unwashed clothes would increase Global Warming.
On my street there are a total of three Goths. My brother, whose traumatic experience was a divorce two years ago; his friend, whose traumatic experience is being Puerto Rican, and his ex-girlfriend who is a poser. That is three Goths for every street. I figure there are roughly 50 million streets in America; each one having three Goths makes 150 million Goths worldwide. Subtract 40 million for margin of error (some places in America only have a population of 15 people, like, for example, Wyoming) leaves 110 million Goths in our country.
This number is devastating and should be dropped as soon as possible. And with half of all marriages ending in divorce, wannabe Goths are getting more legitimate reasons to turn Goth. So how do we prevent the increase of these Goths? We need to take drastic measures. North Dakota has already allowed the execution of Goths without trial, which is probably against four or five of our Constitutional rights, but it’s alright. Unfortunately we cannot do that here on the East Coast, so we have to do things on a smaller scale. That is why I propose right now that whenever you see a Goth, you punch him in the face and steal his bike. I have been using this approach for seven months now, and I feel that if we all work together we can scare Goths into extinction. And when they’re bleeding from the head and drifting in and out of consciousness, we strip them of their clothes and make them run naked on the freeway. Then, as a final scare tactic we give them white clothes.
I know it sounds extreme, but it’s a risk I am willing to take. I hope my studies have helped you realize your place in life, and have hopefully opened your eyes to the horror of Gothic bastards. I hope in time all of America will adopt North Dakota’s method of punishment, but until then we must fight alone. So gather up your bats, sharpen your swords, and turn on your washing machine. Goths are going down.
You should not punch goths, because that is exactly what they want you to do. Why do you think they paint their faces white. It’s to help you aim. Speaking from experience, you just don’t want to do that, because all you do is reinforce their idea that the world is against them, further motivating them to rebel against a society trying to keep them down. And also, you can only steal too many bikes.
What you should do is be extra nice to them. I know this goes against the grain of common sense, but it is what you must do, because they won’t be ready for it. It’s the opposite of what they want. They’ll be completely stunned.
They might not believe it at first, so don’t give in. Just keep being nice to them. Strike up a friendly conversation, even. Aid the goths who’ve fallen off their skateboards. Do not give in to the temptation to kick them. Believe me, I battle this urge every day. It is not easy, but necessary, if we want to fight the brave fight.
And then, sit back and enjoy the reaction, because it can be amusing.
Punching goths is an excellent pastime. I do it everyday, AND have ‘aired down’ his tires. Alex, i think you know who i am referring to…
You are the most stupid person I have ever come across in my whole entire life, Goths are nothing like how you have described them,the “goths” that you have described aren’t real, a real goth is elegant, and polite, generally artistic and has a high IQ.
You must not confuse rebel with goth.
You’re missing the big picture…
But there are people that always will.
You’re close minded, and seem to be trying to make the point that you are better than them.
They compelled you to write such a detailed explanation of why you think they are the way the are.
You have played right into their hands.
Well well well, another person claiming to have the “cure-all” to another group you dont like. I ask you, what is it they did to you? Kill your cat, shoot you in the arse? Im all for the right wing conservatives and good people, but at the same time I have more “goth” friends than not!
You seem to have a few FACTS out of proportion though. Goths wear black, yes, but also a lot of red, purple, and WHITE! Dont act shocked, it happens. And I know goths who are the most devout Christians in our city! Maybe because its North Idaho, and we are all strange up here, but you seem to be in the belief that goths do “cutting.” Another half truth. Many goths I know dispise cutting ones-self.
Besides, as a christian myself, wasnt Jesus’s idea “PEACE” not “BURN WHOEVER YOU DONT LIKE?”
Oh, hey Eric, I didn’t know you’d be joining us in our picnic today! Wha’d you bring? Shithead Sandwiches?! YUMMY!!!
You claim the be from North Idaho, which seems to be in America. So why the hell did you say the word “arse”? Are you retarded, or just British?
I was going to write a whole other post on Goths concerning how they claim that “they’re not just goth, they’re christian goth.” Bullshit. If you think that dressing like a dumbass is going to get you attention, you’re a jackass, not matter what color you wear (oh sure most goths dress in black, but my brother once went through a phase where he wore all white and he didn’t change).
Lastly Eric, I don’t know if your father is some sort of priest or something, but what does your “Jesus’ Idea” sentence at the end mean? If anything you’re furthering my point by saying that Goths suck. And ironically, Jesus’ idea may have been “Peace,” but he was the disliked one who got burned.
Stick that in your juicebox and suck it.
WOW, some people here really have some fucked up shit going on in their minds………FIRST OF ALL, bizzoony, JESUS WAS FUCKING CRUCIFIED, NOT BURNED!!!
I am goth. do i wear all black? when i fucking feel like it. do i cut myself? did once, just out of curiosity, but not as a statement. do i show off my scars? the answer to that is a resounding no. i actually got a tattoo to cover them up. am i christian? no. does being goth make me hate christians? no, my grandparents are christian and i don’t know what i would do without them. do i worship satan? no. i study Wicca, which has absolutely no worship of satan within its confines. do i constantly go out and seek attention? no. sometimes, when im drunk, i like to jump up and sing at the bar, but not because im an angsty, depressed goth. am i goth because i had a tragic life? fuck no. i’m goth because i felt like thinking for myself. the ORIGINAL design behind the gothic subculture was the idea that every human being was born with a brain, thus every human being should be capable of thinking for themselves, instead of falling into these cliques and having the masses decide for you. Did we call ourselves gothic then? no. we didn’t give a shit what we were called. being called goth sounded good to us, so we accepted the name. because we felt like it.
in summary, the truest form of goth should be more or less unrecognizable from the rest of the masses on most days. do we stand out? sometimes, but only if we want to. as to the question of intelligence, are we smarter than you? probably not everyone, but most likely, smarter than the person who wrote the original bit on this page.
dammit i never knew there was a north and south idaho
chillax
its a comedy website
learn to laugh
why would you be on here if you dont want to laugh?
o look another idiotic ranting from another dickhead in amercia, wat a surprise! u clearly know nothing about wat the goth culture means, and only judging it by one individual is utterly ridiculous and cannot b called research! if evryone thought this way theyd think that all americans r pigheaded, ignorant cunts just by reading ur dribble. and in reality if u wer to go and pick a fight with a goth he/she wud turn round and pulverise ur pathetic ass! u obviously only hate the culture cus overall ur fucking scared! so exactly wat culture do you belong to, chav? ur a small minded, stupid, ignorant cunt, o wait sorry, i forgot, ur american!
I think you may have some wires crossed with your views on goths. Goth is not about teen angst, which is obviously the only experience you have of them. I think you’ll find that most teenagers rebel against something and attention seek, and unfortunately quite a few have bad hygiene, its just a simple part of growing up and discovering who you are no matter whether you do that from being a jock, cheerleader, preppy…. insert whatever stereotype you desire here. How is it possibly affecting you life that there are people out there who enjoy wearing black, and listening to different music from you. Acting out violently towards them obviously shows your blatant lack of intellect and immaturity. Violence isn’t going to ‘fix’ anything, though will hopefully get you put into juvey when you obviously belong if you have such narrow minded views towards other human beings. I think you may have a bit of growing up and acceptance to do!
Hmmm.. a good read, but alas you are confusing Emos with Goths.
Big ups from Australia!
Dude you have absolutely no fucking idea wat ur talking about, typical fucking “im so rightious american” shit. firstly on a historical point the goths are never mentioned in the bible. as a people the tervingi as they called themselves only emerged from germany in the late 6th century where they split into ostrogoths and visigoths and promptly adopted christianity. the romans CRUCIFIED christ. secondly not all goths cut themselves its mostly emo kids.goths have no set religion the entire goth subculture is based on a staandard of acceptance of all people. yes some goths worship satan, and a lot are atheist but a lot of christian goths also exist. yes i am goth i only have black clothes but thats not coz im goth but because i like black. i only cut myself once, for the hell of it. and u better hope i dont find out where u live coz i would beat the ignorance out of ur stupid american head with a steel pipe. Now crawl off and go die in the hellhole u come from ur stupid fag
its a little funny that the general idea intended for goths was to stand out and break away from typical american subcultures and stereotypes, but by doing so, they actually created another stereotype!
Wow i thought the ‘hate goths scene’ was bad in England.
Listen Who cares what you are, Im a goth, i had a bad childhood but im happy. Even people who arn’t gothic go though dramtic lives and ur curseing a person for wanting to express that. I mean i think you will find every person in the whole fucking world owns some form of black clotheing, just because Goths like to wear black more then others doesn’t make them ‘attention seekers’ You have to look at the bigger picture, You know how many goths? Not enough to listen to some Goths who generaly are nice. Some are depressive twats but loads of my friends are goths and i have a fucking laugh. More then a laugh then you have writing a huge page of something you hatem. Why would you anger your self like that. Maybe your the real goth seeing as you sound like one.
Get up the protest im sure your going to get far.
Ha, I think that “duane” would have made a better argument if he hdnt mentioned the fact that he cut him self. WhAt a fucking moron. I loved it by the way, but your bro aint much of a goth anymore. Great job boony!
Okay, first things first
You Do Not Have To Where All Black To Be A Goth
I wear an assortment of colors, my favorite color is Purple
Black is my fourth Favorite color
Purple, Red, Lime Green, Black, Blue, Silver, Gold, and Hot pink. OMG, look, it’s not black black black black black. I bet that just fries what your little mind can perceive, I don’t crave attention, I make straight A’s, i care for my little sister *without tying her up and putting her in a closet like “Normal” siblings” I can clean, cook, draw, write poetry, etc. I’m very intelligent, Which means i’m smart for those idiots that don’t know. I listen to metal music, on a low volume so as not to disturb others. Though i will tell you i’m not a christian, because i find it sickening that a preacher can rape a little girl and tell her she’s going to hell if she tells anyone, so i am Agnostic, meaning i don’t believe in religion, but i’m not close minded about it, and can discuss it without judging someone for their religion.
You say we rant, but just look at your article, Point proven?
All goths are not the same, we all have our own style, besides the posers, who dress like us just to have something to cry about later, your segment is honestly totally correct: if you’re talking about poser goths or fake emo’s the people who do something and anything for attention. If you wish to flame me or have a conversation where i can further prove you wrong, my email is stainedpaws40@yahoo.com
Goths suck rather large penis.
Goths are misunderstood.
We’re people too.
You people are retarded cuz you worship a supirior being.
I don’t worship satin.
I do not worship anything or anyone.
I do like wearing the color black.
And I like blood.
But I don’t rape little kids or tie people up.
All goths are different.
Fuck you guys.
FUCK YOU!
Joke or not, this is certianly the definition of ignorance.
I’m sure the monkey who wrote this had his left thumb up his ass the whole time.
And all the stooges commenting him with praise and agreement had his other four fingers in theirs as well as a rather large dildo.
Grow a brain and stop poking fun at one subculture.
If you’re gonna bash one, you’ve got to bash them all, I say!
SEIG HEIL!
Sieg*
My apologies.
[...] I thought I was just going to be able to annoy all the pro-Goths that were complete against my Anti-Goth post. But it turns out that they’re managed to keep bugging me even though I don’t pay them [...]
Yes, most goths are complete fuck heads… But most people from any sub culture are. You my friend are one of the biggest fuck heads.
Why would you want to Kill someone because you don’t like they way they look.
You’re obviously lacking a brain.
hahaha you are all fucking retarded. The only serous thing implied in this was the aggitation of goths and the laughter of everyone else. Way to prove a point assholes : )
Well I was reading the article and thought it was rather good. But then I got to the comments and I realized that there was an “armageddon” so I thought I’d join in.
I’m a goth (though a very new one) and even though if taken out of context that post should be crucified, I think (yes surprisingly enough I think sometimes :D) if taken in context it’s actually pretty good. I don’t see why there should be a flame war about this, it’s suppose to be a comedy site, comedians make fun of anything that they think they can. It’s not like they necessarily believe what they’re saying. (though I’m not saying that bizoony does not believe what he posted, just that it’s not necessarily the case)
So in the interest of peace and no fighting. (yeah I’m kinda a pacifist, so sue me :D) To the goths, it’s suppose to be a joke, take it as one please. There’s no reason to flame anybody. To the rest, I hope you take it as a joke too as goths are obviously not like this, I can’t think of a good site that explains what goths are and are not. But do some reading on the internet, we’ll really appreciate it if we can be treated as people as well because after all in the end that’s all everybody are, human beings. Thanks
The Little Kid And The Propane Tank.
Whoever wrote this has to be a Sad looser thats probably sat at his/her computer rotting away because they have nothink better to do than make up stupid storys about peoples way of life. unfortunately they have no life, so i dont understand how that can make fun of other people.
Muckdal
Interesting read although it really pissed me off.
I would just like to make a few things clear to you before I fuck off and ‘go cut myself’ as you seem to think I will.
Firstly, I shower every day and I wear clean clothes EVERY DAY.
Secondly, I didn’t become a goth because something bad happened in my life, I just liked the fashion and the music.
THIRDLY, me Satanist? NO! You might be though, seeing as you don’t know that Jesus was CRUCIFIED NOT BURNT.
FOURTHLY, you are an ignorant American bastard that deserves to get eaten from the feet upwards so you can see what happens.
Lastly, next time you ‘research’ research on more than one person….intelligent people know that to prove research you obviously have to research more than one person/animal/whatever you’re researching so this, alas, proves how ignorant and stupid you are YET AGAIN.
Now I’m going to go and be depressed….NOT
I am actually gonna go and call for my friend now, I have better things to do than be depressed thanks
Bye cunt
PS: I always get at LEAST an A grade…so you can’t say I’m stupid
PS: If you wanna say anything about this comment then we can debate further, my email is cusunit@hotmail.com
that had to be most idiotic thing i have ever read or will read in my entire life. i myself am both Gothic and a catholic, so i was highly offended by that entire article, you really should either spend some time around some real Goths in our environment, and see what we are actually like. i am so disgusted in you for even thinking of Goths in such a way. you must be the saddest most pitifully person i have ever had the misfortune of coming across. i sincerely hope and pray that you open your eyes soon, or perhaps they will be opened for you, forcefully, and i promise you that it would not be pleasant.
KILL THEM ALL!!!
As a quarter Italian, (the naming quarter, my father’s father was 100%) I am of the Roman bloodline. Fucking goths crashed our Euro party. I say you tell me the time and place and I’ll get la cosanostra together and we’ll show them what cutting really is!
Afterall I hear they traded in their swords and battle axes for mace, hair gell spikes, and studded pierceings.
Hail Ceasar!
im mad about this
That was the best piece of satire I’ve read in ages. Totally stupid but stupid “a modest proposal” style. Very cool and most funny even if it did ramble a bit towards the end. Cheers.
The comments are quite lame but then I’m guessing your audience does not “get” irony… can’t win ‘em all, I guess.
I think everyone here needs to chill out a bit. Im a goth and a satanist, I found this whole thing funny. Its a joke.. Jesus…
LOL… one of the funniest comments is the …you are ignorant, close moinded, blah blah cunt, oh wait I forgot you are American… yet another laughable hypocritical statement. Isn’t it ignorant and close minded to say all Americans are ignorant and closed minded?
This is bullshit but accurate to some extent. I don’t know of the word goth being used like that in the bible. I am goth because it is a label, with labels we help identify thing’s, And do I worship Satan? Yes, I do worship Satan, and that is because of the thing’s that he stand’s for and what he represent’s. I don’t want to worship something so messed up and contradictory why would I want to worship something that made me inferior to it? Why the Fuck do we deserve to be punched in the face, we actually fucking help this country. This country is fucked up and falling apart. Why would I want to follow a religion that the country is based on, when the country is in a wreck and falling a part!!!!!!!!Yes I am a satanist and i don’t kill babies or attend black masses that promote so. The main idea of a black mass is to make a parody of the catholic church.
I Don’t understand catholic’s and don’t say
“oh, don’t say that you were never catholic.”
Actually I went to catholic school, and atteded masses as well as sunday service. The thing that pisses me off is they actually belive the wine/grapejuice turn’s in to the blood of christ. Ummmmm, tatsed like wine to me, and I know what blood taste’s like.
Famous word’s of WEDNESDAY 13 “god IS A LIE!!!!!!!!”.
WTF? what gives you the right to tell people that Goths are bad people, i am goth and fucking proud of it, i don’t worship satan, i don’t go around trying to kill myself, and neither do my friends, we enjoy dressing the way we do, its not a way of life, its a way of being yourself, yeah i definately don’t want to dress in todays fashion…but i say go ahead dress how ever the fuck you want coz i don’t give a shit, you know you say that goths are bad…but my dear you are the bad person, you are the attention seeker, you have no right to go around bad mouthing people…just coz they choose to look a certain way, i like to be theatrical in the way i dress, but you don’t know me, i haven’t the best life but that has nothing to do with the way i dress, one of my best friends follows fashion, and she is severly depressed and cuts herself and writes poetry, i do none of the above. YOU KNOW WHAT DICKHEAD GO AND FUCKING CRAWL BACK INTO THE SAD PATHETIC HOLE YOU CAME FROM YOU SAD PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING YOUR THE ONE THAT GIVES SOCIETY A BAD NAME, YOUR THE ONE THAT MAKES PEOPLE HATE THEMSELVES, YOUR THE ONE THAT PEOPLE SHOULD BE BAD MOUTHING…YOU NEED TO STEP BACK AND TAKE A FUCKING LOOK AT YOUR OWN LIFE YOU JUDGEMENTAL, PRETENCIOUS PIECE OF SHIT
I and my partner are both strict about self expression we respect every persons point of view an respect that person for being a indvidual. We are pagan an enjoy our gothic lifestyle and do not relflect your sterotypical self harming goth profile wich you have so hartlessly stated. There are many forms of goth many are troubled souls some are expresing artisticly you have no right to wright any of them words you put in your artical! Your are a facist and in this country you can get arressted for this as what you are saying is against the law and the human rights act. Everybody has the right to do what we want as long as we don’t harm other’s. You have offended alot of people n most likely you need to look at the problem with gangsta’s and chav’s!! Keep your immature and insensitive comments to yourself. Goths are nice people where i am from and we are very misunderstood.
Listen what is the big problem do you not think that our lives are difficult enough with out having to fight the rest of society all the time you guys are really not funny and i think it is purposturouse!! get a life instead of makin ours worse!!! i mean i have already lost my arm due to you,, yes its sounds silly but when i had my first encounter with the scissors (or was it a razor blade :S) i cant remember anyways lets just say i cut in the wrong direction!! and i have majour problems nowerdays you with stealing my sisters jeans and eye liner (witch look great on me by the way!! :D) just leave us alone and let us worship the dreded saton in piece!!! :@ … FREAKSS!!!
well, one thing for certain, this was a funny ass read. i dont consider myself gothic, but i am most definately a person who lives most of there life at night. is it my fault that dressing up like dracula was the best idea for halloween? no, but i did like it, and hence it does have a certain deciding factor in my overall appearence today. one thing is that most people who are termed as goth dont really give a fuck about anything you might have to say about them and would laugh at the idioms that have been placed here. i understand that you hate living with your brother in the same room, who unfortunately just has a really bad hygene problem (knock the hell out of him and tell him to wash his clothes), but hell, you will always find yourself in situations in this life that you dont want to be in. learn what you can from them and move on. i know it may be human nature to use your first impression and impose whatever judgement you have made on anything else that might remind you on any topic that bugs the hell out of you, but just remember this, dont give a shit. simple enough? live your life the way you want to and enjoy watching when you brother acts completely retarded. enjoy…
I can not believe the total fabrication of Gothic lifestyle you just attempted to feed to the masses. First of all, Goths are not suicidal nor do we dress, act or cut ourselves for attention….I think you need to replace the word goth in your article with either Emo or Spooky kid…..Gothic individuals are for the most part very intelligent people who would not fit in normally anyways because of that fact….especially not in America where a high school diploma is literally the equivalent of a grade 10 education in Canada. Even though we tend to lean towards the darker shades we still wear colours and each of us has a unique sense of fashion. Not all Goths listen to heavy metal…in fact most goth labeled music is very relaxing. Goth girls at least I know for a fact have excellent hygiene and you mentioned dikes….well a lot of girls turn to the same sex relationships because a lot of guys are slobbering egotistical pig headed dirt bags….This is coming from a straight girl so don’t go all homophobe on me. I can honestly say I did have a tragic childhood but in no way, shape, or form did it influence the person I am today.
Now that I have spoken my peace I am ending this on a high note, before you write anymore crap you should really do research and actually think before your prejudiced mind blows out of proportion. You may also want to seek psychological help since anyone who wishes to harm someone so severely should not be allowed to wander the streets. You claim to be a comedian…your not funny, by far your posts are just discriminatory and only you would find them funny. Enjoy your life while you can because if you keep the bull up I’m sure you’ll say something to the wrong person and then you’ll be nothing but a rude posting on a website….
“Armageddon” is Gothic for “picnic.” Ahahahahaaaa!!!
Great article!
Almost as amusing are some of the comments, though… learn the meaning of sarcasm before you post… especially fellow goths who are claiming we’re more intelligent, it’s just embarrassing…
Lighten up! Go punch a poseur! x
First of all so you know I’m a goth.
(This is a comment of a goth so.. OMG read it! it’s labled! pff.. f— off.)
Nice post.
Even though I disagree with almost everything in this post I dare to say; You ignorance is amusing..
Oh and I think you might have mistaken the word Goth for - fucking - Emo
But okay keep on the ignorant post’s ^^..
…oh and people please c’mon.. there are millions of people who seem to have the same opinion about “Goth’s” as this person…
…so the only thing’s you can do about it is..
…try to change the opinion of humanity.. - which would… so not work -
…or actually smile back at their ignorance…
Don’t be as stupid as they are…
xx It’s not worth it.
^^ die!
Oh and just to make sure…
this post is a joke right.. xD?
.. ba!
I KILL SHI’ITES
hahahahahahhahahahahaaa
you make a valid point, sir.
just one thing: anyone can be total asshole regardless of: Race, religion, sexual/musical/fashion preference.
: D
Ok. You know what I am sick of you judgemental assholes who think that your better than everybody. You should’nt judge others just because they present themselves differently than you.And arent afraid to be themselves. And you dont have to deal with the way they live their lives. Look away for cris sakes. And stop posting pointless rants on how you hate people. Cause Im sure there are alot of people out there that dont like the way you present yourself.
And by the way asshole Satanism is a peaceful religion so do me a favor do some research before talking out of your ass. Dumb ass.
Also, Your confusing “Emos” with Goths. Goths dont cut themselves dumbass. And the fact that you “Study” your brother and judge him just makes you an even bigger asshole. I wonder if your brother knows that your writting about his “personal” life. Cause if i was your brother Id knock some fucking sense into your skull. And stop with this bible bullshit. Ok you say that us goths make up ridiculous stories.Hunny have you read the bible? Its nothing but a ridiculous story made up by a preist who couldnt get people to listen to his beliefs so he made the book of “God” or The Bible. Which is just a hipocritical belief pounded into innocent childerends minds.Id rather be a “devil worshiper” than a bible loving hate basher. because atleast when your a “satanist” your not “made” to believe anything. But rather you have the choice to make up your oun belief. And instead of hating others you live peacfully.
listen here little whatever. dont you ever say that what you just said because what your brother is EMO. Emo is a short term for emotional goth means something different. i am a goth very different from that of what you just said and i have real goth people around me. they are fun no satan or cults or anything we r just normal people like everybody else. we are just alienated from society which means being different and living our life our way we do not play on fields or shop on groceri stores. EMO is that of everyting you just described goth means somebody who loves the darker side of things, and who is different from society. nothing tragic has to be done to become goth. im sorry i dont know your name but dont ever say that. if your brother became a goth well he should know what he’s up to. if he worship satan than he is a pagan, and no the cutting is EMO also. goths are free and we are cool and fun watch us or talk to me ang get to know me andm y friends you will see. EMO means somebody like your brother who cut themselves and hates the world there thats who is your borther goths are happy peole. we just wanna be different than all of you.
sam i love oyu im a guy and whatever im a bi but i love hwat you just say hugs!
thank you all of you who is supporting us! big hugs to all of you! i have been cruising around sites just to find bunch of craps like this. STop judging us we just want to be ourselves.
An your so funny! email is inferlitude@hotmail.com tal kto me im bored guys lol haha!
erick go to goth.net fucker.
by the way i am from the visigoths family hehe…
Al eats chodes for breakfast.
Amen to that
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
For fuck’s sake people, this is a joke. Is that so hard to grasp? Jeeze, stop taking shit to seriously. xD
YOU ARE ALL DUMB!!!!!!!!!!
I am goth. And Cristian.
And not afraid to say JESUS FUCKING LOVES EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!
That includes you. Piss off. Saitan is an asshole and should be thrown in to the next dimention for enternaty. So there.
And i cant spell.
Screw you, conformists.
Wheeeeeeee! It says Comedy Corner at the top of the frigging page! Wheeeeeeee!
The humourless bastards who leave self-righteous complaints don’t read the comments left before them, and the ones who already left a complaint don’t come back because they’ve moved on to another site to give their opinion without the patience to the read the name of the site or the self-esteem to check back for the reply.
I’m off to shout at the street evangelists. At least they pretend to listen to other people’s opinions.
i love life. peace out from this Goth in Au! comedy maybe, dont make it right.
ps id love to talk to you sometime
haha but could you not screw yourself at the same time?
You even think about touching one of my goth brothers or sisters I’ll find you and I will bash your head in will a pipe that goes for all of you idiots and North Dakota nothing more than red-neck hikes why dont you stop talking about your idiotic ideas and go back to what your good at fucking your sister and life stock you white trash shit Let me make it very clear so even a retard like you could understand it atempt an attack on my gothic brothers and sister will leave you lifeless with your blood on my hands and for your information your brother is EMO you DUMB FUCK Ill ripe your spine out and stab you with if you what to save america kill your self
I am a Goth and I do not worship satan but I will cut your neck open and bleed you dry and cut open your chest and se if you have a heart and if not well ill just take a 50lb hammer to your skull shit head the hunt is on and your next
Goths are awesome! I agree with Deathbringer!
I’m a goth, and can I just say that I’m a black belt and if you ever came near me you wouldn’t last the next few seconds.