The Cward Joke

As you guys may or may not know, there is a new joke that is sweeping the nation.  It is THE CWARD JOKE.  I did invent the joke, and I’m not saying that to be cocky, but to prevent any other bastards from saying that they invented this joke.  You can deffinetly invent a Cward Joke, but don’t you dare ever say, think, breath, write, type, or carve “I invented the Cward Joke.” because I did.

Before I can tell the legend of the Cward Joke, you must understand who the man behind the joke is.  Conor Ward is how name, and he is the man.  He is the King of Comedy, the Ruler or Riots, and the Creator of Cool.  I went through a phase in my pitiful 9th grade year where I called everyone horrible nicknames, starting with the first letter of their first name, with a hyphen, and then their last name:

John Smith: J-Smith
Captain Hook: C-Hook
Helen Keller: H-Keller

So of course I did this with many of my friends, but Conor Ward was one of the few who’s name actually stuck, C-Ward.  We called him this for a while and he hated it, which is natural with the beginning part of a nickname.  For the first year of my nickname “Boony” I couldn’t stand it, but I grew used to it and now love it.  But what really drove Conor crazy is when Jeremy Bingham (also the man) combinded the C-Ward nickname, and we got CWARD!!!  Conor hated this even more, but that doesn’t matter, because it was the best nickname to ever be applied to an individual person.  This was exactly one year before the actual birth of the Cward Joke.

The Cward Joke was invented on Wednesday, August 23rd, during a soccer tryout.  Conor Ward (the God of Amazingness) was blasting a shot on net, about to end the goalie’s life.  I, waiting in line for my turn, said to myself “Wow, he’s coordinated.”  I immediatly recognized the pun and went up to Galen.

Me- Hey Galen, what do you call Conor Ward with good use of his muscles?

Galen- What?

Me- Cwardinated!!!

That, my friends, what the first Cward Joke to ever be made.  Ever since then there have been a bunch, which I will randomly throw into my website for entertainment.  Do you want to send me a Cward Joke??  The rules are simple:

  1. The jokes must be somewhat funny and not the stupid kind that Galen thinks up
    Galen Weber Cward Joke:
    Q: If Conor Ward joined the army, what would be be?
    I: A Cwardinal
    None of that, that’s not even the slightest bit funny.
  2. The question of the joke must include Conor Ward
  3. The answer (or punchline) of the joke must be a pun of a word that has the “ord” sound in it replaced with “cward”
    Example: Ordinary becomes Cwardinary
  4. If you have a joke, submit it to me and I will gladly consider maybe posting it up.

Send them to me at RandyQuenchVFM or Bizzoony45 and I’ll take a look at them.  Have fun, I’m looking forward to your excwardinary jokes.

30 responses to “The Cward Joke

  1. steve brennan

    What do you call Conor Ward in a leotard?
    CWard of the dance!

  2. thats really weird joke.. i mean the steve guy one..

  3. Yeah, I honestly don’t understand it. I believe it’s supposed to pun the word “Lord” but it should be obvious that Cward Jokes don’t word on one syllable words like chord, bored, hoard, lord, stored, and Ford. He did, however, manage to give it a shot, and it continues to be better than Galen’s horrible jokes.

  4. alana

    wait i dont get it? cward to your mother???

  5. Conor Ward

    Hey I am Conor Ward! I am probably not the one this joke is talking about but that is my name.

  6. Whoa, another Conor Ward? This calls for an investigation.

  7. Michelle

    i GET iT! RANDY QUENCH VOLUNTEER FiREMAN! hahah that’s a good one. i like the word to ya mother one too. but i think i got one:

    what do you call the moment after Conor Ward makes fun of his girl friend’s ass [ not knowing she was right behind him ]?

    An aw-cward silence!

    get it?
    like awkward silence!

    hope it makes sense! haha

  8. ZABOOMAFOO

    I LOVE THE AW-CWARD SILENCE ONE! SWEETNESS!

  9. Conor Ward

    Uhm, my name is Conor Ward too. And frankly, I’m a little creeped out.

  10. Michelle– it’s a good thing that you explained the punchline of that joke, otherwise we all would have been lost. And I’m glad that you recognize my screename, because people rarely do. I am sad to say that the “awCward” pun has already been used. In fact, we are pretty sure that there are no more Cward Jokes, and that all of them have been used up. Nice try though
    Zaboomafoo-First off, I hope that’s not your real name, because it would be disappointing if you parents named you after a lemur. Next, I’m glad that you enjoyed Michelle’s joke; probably because she explained it so thoroughly.
    Conor Ward– I apologize to you and all the other Conor Wards that are freaked out by this. However I do encourage you to start calling things “awCward” and ever give yourself the nickname Cward. That is, if you’re man enough for it.

  11. Will Dramstad

    What does Conor Ward play on the guitar
    A CWARD!

  12. saddam

    what does conor ward use to eat?
    a cwork

  13. i am not da person in da joke but my name is conor ward 2 aka conor man aka mick

  14. big pimpin geoffrey

    my names trev hav i got one eh these man the trev jokes n that eh get bak tae us n th ken heres ma number
    07702002755
    ciao xo

  15. Philapine balk

    Hey man im ur long lost gran
    my name is fran
    i have a shop ban
    do u like my tan?
    no one can do the jig like i can
    write back and i’ll give u all the carrots in the world
    p.s im in love with ur dog xx

  16. Q. What do you get if you draw Conor Ward on graph paper?

    A. Cward-inate pairs!

  17. max

    umm none of these jokes are funny. ever. i feel sorry for all of you that have such a terrible sense of humor.

  18. I feel sorry for your FACE!!!

    Oh shit!!
    Oh shit!!
    OH SHHIITTT!!!

    It’s not about them actually being funny, it’s just the point that you made a pun and no one else did. I feel sorry for all you guys who rub one out to Justin Timberlake music videos.

  19. Mingo

    I, too, feel sorry for the awCward, unCwardinate, knuckleheads who don’t Cwight comprehend the play on Cward. Perhaps then should stand in a steel tub filled with moose snot, hold onto some bare wires, and plug the Cward into a socket.
    His best bud could play “Taps” on an aCwardion whilst he roasts….or not.

  20. alana

    what does conor ward do when he feels dangerous?
    jump off a bungee cward!

    =]
    yeah i know it’s stupid..=]

  21. Scott

    Q: Where does Conor Ward view dinosaur bones?

    A: At a museum.

  22. Hahahahahahahahahaha holy shit I think you win.

  23. Conor Ward

    I’m another Conor Ward, Born in Derry in ’69. How many of us are there out there?

  24. Conor Ward

    I’m Conor Ward, people seem to like me because i’m polite and rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and i really enjoy a good pair of slacks. Years later a doctor will tell me i have an IQ of 48, and what some people call “mentally retard”

    What do you call me?

    Cward

    oh and what did the potatoe chip say to the battery???

  25. Jordyn

    brick from anchorman? does anyone have any mayonnaise I could put in a toaster?

  26. One Punny Guy

    Q- What does a proper lady call Connor Ward when he won’t stop flirting?
    A- Incwardgible!!!

    Get it?! Instead of incorrigible!

  27. karl

    Have you heard? No? So you haven’t heard about Connor Ward?

    A-well-a everybody’s heard about the cward
    C-c-c-cward, cward, cward, c-wards the word
    A-well-a cward, cward, cward, the cward is the word
    A-well-a cward, cward, cward, well the cward is the word
    A-well-a cward,cward, cward, c-cward’s the word
    A-well-a cward, cward, cward, well the cward is the word
    A-well-a cward, cward, C-cward’s the word
    A-well-a cward, cward, cward, c-cward’s the word
    A-well-a cward, cward, cward, well the cward is the word
    A-well-a cward, cward, c-cward’s the word
    A-well-a don’t you know about the cward?
    Well, everybody knows that the cward is the word!
    A-well-a cward, cward, c-cward’s the word
    A-well-a…

    sorry if i missed any out

  28. I’m one of the original appreciaters from afar but am way too shy to come out onto the public domaine and flirt my commonality. ARSE, BALLIX and Dara Ó Briain for Pope, the funnny fella on de telly who says emm a bit much.

    PS I live in france and connard means fekkn eejit. I’m ok with that coz it’s tickles me to watch them go to Dublin and sit down unannounced at at table in a pub and wait to be served. The amount of glum, unsatisfied “why do we loose evrything? faces on the tossers when they do eeventually reamise that you’ve got to go to the bar to be served. I’ve stared out many a rambling stick twat until he gives in.

    Keep CWARD out there coz there are bount to be a few who will see it who aren’t but a glint an der da’s eye. SLAINTE to yez

    Conor JM WARD 41 yer owl

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