About Bizzoony

Note: Because my parents think that I am going to get raped through this website, I am forced to substitute all the “personal” material with common information in order to deter pedophiles. I personally don’t consider them a threat, but my stubborn father continues to bitch and whine (I love you dad). In order to convenience you I will not tell you what I changed about my information, because I know that you’re not really pedophiles. Although I guess it’s the right thing to do, seeing as how you’ve all stared at a picture of me as a naked child. Sickos.

JOHN SMITH (AKA: Boony) is a 400 year old comedy writer. He attends A SCHOOL YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF where he leads his class in most friends and lowest GPA. Last year alone he got a record three F’s (which he insists is for “fantastic”) but he doesn’t think that will stop him from being a professional comedy writer. Miraculously, Boony’s parents (who he describes as “Grade Nazis”) still allow him to live, and even maintain a website. Here, he enjoys putting comedy into everyday scenarios, making fun of people, and talking about himself in the third person. Every now and then his website is revoked due to his poor grades, but Boony doesn’t let that faze him because he’s a badass.

For extracurricular activities, Boony plays piano, hockey, and baseball. He is also captain of the A SCHOOL YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF varsity soccer team and leads his team to victory every day. He used to be on the track team, but when he realized that it actually involved running he immediately quit. During his free time Boony listens to music (his favorite song is More Than A Feeling by Boston, which means that it should now be your favorite song too), dances wildly throughout his room to extreme techno (his favorite techno song is Everytime We Touch by Cascade), and juggles (his juggling song is Rhythm Of The Night by La Bouche). He says that by the time he is 34, he is going to teach himself to juggle chainsaws, and then lose his hands in a freak chainsaw-juggling accident in order to get money from his life insurance. Most of Boony’s work is put towards this blog, and during school he chooses to write comedy instead of taking notes. Many will say that this is the cause of his bad grades, but everyone knows it’s because Boony’s teachers hate him for being so good looking.

If someone were forced to describe Boony in one word, they would most likely say “famous.” Boony is so famous that just talking to him could make you famous. But Boony’s fame is not just through the internet, he has also made a large impact on the television word.  For example, Boony was on an episode of the MTV show MADE where he was labeled as the “best rapper in the school.”  Boony says that it’s no big deal, and the fame has deffinetly not gone to his head.  Other words to portray Boony would be “hilarious,” “gorgeous,” and “superior.” However, some people have chosen “retarded,” but Boony thinks that those comments have nothing to do with his 1.4 GPA and is only because they are jealous of his fame.

Many people have doubted Boony’s brilliance. These are the people you see on Cops getting their ass handed to them by police officers. Scientists say that the strength at which you doubt Boony is directly proportional to how hard the police beat your ass. Sadly, this has not stopped people from criticizing Boony’s work. One of these people was Rodney King. Now, Rodney sends Boony flowers everyday.

For those of you who would like to challenge Boony, he is more than happy to battle you. Unfortunately, Boony only battles in two ways:

1. A sword wielding clash identical to those in ancient Rome’s Coliseum in which gladiators would fight to the death
2. A rap battle

If you feel that you would stand a chance against Boony in either of these encounters, feel free to test his cunning. Let you be warned, though, that your fatality rate is 95%.

If you have any questions for Boony, or just want to let him know how much you hate him because he’s better than you, feel free to IM him at RandyQuenchVFM. You may be wondering why Boony’s screen name is a name other than his own, seeing as how he is so spectacular, and the reason is because Randy Quench is a straight up G. For those of you who have never watched All That, Randy Quench was the lunatic Volunteer Fireman who would misinterpreted people. Example:

Person: Wow, this chili is really spicy, my mouth is on fire!
Randy Quench: DID SOMEBODY SAY FIRE?!

Randy was known for his catchphrase “Here Comes ME” which he would yell before busting down a large fence, wall, door, etc. in order to save his victim. Boony does not have a catchphrase, but if he did it would probably be all the lyrics to More Than A Feeling. He understands that this would be a very long catchphrase, but he thinks that it will be acceptable due to his good looks.

Boony hopes you enjoy his website, and if you don’t he dares you to make a better one.

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55 responses to “About Bizzoony

  1. zerohero

    Hello! I must say, nice blog! Way to go, takkun! People dont really think im “funny” persay but I am random….*roll roll roll*

  2. who the fuck are you guys?…

  3. You took the words right out of my mouth D-Young hahaha

  4. lol your jokes are really FUNNY

  5. Let me warn you in advance that if there is the slightest bit of sarcasim hinted, mentioned, or assumed in that sentence, I will personally hunt you down and make you draw something very hard.

  6. Mojo

    dude, was just wondering…
    what kinda novels do u read?
    have u read “the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy” by Douglas adams?
    (u should, if u haven’t…)
    ur writing somehow reminds me of that book.

  7. I am a big fan of Dan Brown. Da Vinci Code, Digital Fortress, Deception Point, and Angels and Demons are all at the top of my list. I’ve never read The Hitchhiker’s Guide To the Galaxy but a bunch of my friends have read it. When I saw him carrying it around and say that it was thicker than a dictionary (probably with more words too) I crossed it off my list. How does my writing remind you of it? Is the character as ridiculously good-looking as me? Haha, I’ll have to read the book I guess

    P.S.- I don’t know if you consider this a “book” but I read Dave Barry religiously. He’s a newpaper writer, but his books are hallarious. He the person who taught me to actually write comedy, as apposed to saying it, which is what I was doing before.

  8. Mojo

    hey dude..
    i read some articles written by dave barry and yeah, your writing is on similar lines but very creative.
    u should definitely read Hitchhikers guide(h2g2). i suggest u also read p.g.wodehouse coz its totally different from the kind of stuff u write but real funny. it’ll help “widen your horizons”. 🙂
    nonetheless, keep writing. u got talent, son.

    p.s.: more on mOOlly and less on crap/shit/toilets from now on please(if u dont mind) 🙂

  9. Your stuff is very good. My Campaign did very well with your demographic in the mock elections.

  10. hey sexy beaqstie. i love you you hotass 🙂

  11. The Admiral

    Fight me samaro

  12. samaro

    oh yeah. ill fight you. IM BEd

  13. alana

    hey I’m still waiting for my high five!

  14. Just Me

    You know you sound kind of like Dane Cook. I know I’ll be checking back for new posts! Hasta luego!

  15. it's a secret ;-)

    basically you’re amazing & i love what you write. i see you basically everyday in class & never can stop laughing..

    you’re going to grow old and become famous.

  16. bt

    Yeah, unless you know HTML freewebs that which will not be named is comparable to an exploding tumor on the internet.

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  18. I'm Invisible Shh....

    have you gotten a life? because you’re not writing as much and we boring losers without lives are missing your attempts at comedy. (note: i didn’t say if they were sucessful or not) but please do try to write more. it’s funny.
    we need more funny.

  19. Haha okay, I’m sorry to let you down. As a matter of a fact I have gotten some time of life. I generally write my posts in my notebook at school (unless my parents are reading this, in which case I take flawless notes) but recently I’ve had to step it up and pay attention. I have a bunch of ideas in mind, so you don’t have to worry

  20. im the top poster on this site
    yeahhhh me

  21. alana

    yeah thats sadd

    basically ur bragging about the fact that you have no life

  22. saddam

    um
    no its called bragging about how cute u are hunny

  23. alana

    ?

    . perv

    so you;re still bragging about your utter lifelessness? yeah, that makes sense.

  24. Hey!

    I sent you an e-mail in response to your comment. I hope you got it.

    By the way, I added you up to my blogroll @ my blogspot account – http://voice-in-the-water.blogspot.com. 😀

    I like the spunk in your entries so I’ll be dropping by every now and then.

  25. how do you get invisible writing in your aim profiles??

  26. Agewlyfiegity

    bizzoony.wordpress.com – The most necessary site !

    Thank for your work for us!
    Thank you, I will add it to my bookmarks

    Best Regards

    Ismail

  27. You need to re-crop that pisture to fit your new format

  28. alana

    you were a sexy baby=]

  29. naisioxerloro

    Hi.
    Good design, who make it?

  30. Just Readin'

    Very interesting writing style, you should consider journalism or stand up. Good luck with your crazy family, they must really head over heels about you.

  31. M

    Yeah I liked Dave Barry too… when I was 15 (much older now). Check out Tim Dorsey. You might have a future good book in you. Some amusing stuff.

    M

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  34. borntobeloud

    interesting! i’ll definitely drop by again soon.

    adding you to my blogroll! 🙂

  35. Found this site through Best blogs on WordPress. I have to admit it is good. Funny to be more precise. I’ve enjoyed it and maybe when people start coming to my site they would like it too. Might I add you to my links list? Check back with you…

  36. Mohaffey

    This shit is a trip. I especially love your blog about “why white people arent scared of Bill Cosby”. I cant believe you are only 15. You are so quick witted, and intelligent.

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