If comedy was a woman, I would take her out to Chili's. I would force her to order Baby Back Ribs, even if she was a vegetarian. I would sit awkwardly and watch her chew and swallow, and then obnoxiously pick off her plate. After I drove Comedy home, I would ask her for gas money. I would refuse to leave without a kiss.
After a few dates Comedy and I would make sweet passionate love. I would cuddle with Comedy and sing her songs of affection and beauty. Then, I would go home and cry because I knew that Comedy didn't love me. Comedy was only in it for the pleasure, and I wanted more. I love Comedy, but Comedy is only using me for my body.