1. Continue to joke that “big feet means big socks.”
2. Openly sing the chorus to “Living On A Prayer” whenever you’re halfway through anything
3. Start every sentence with “when I rule the world . . .”
4. Insist that playing “Stairway to Heaven” backwards has hidden anti-Semitic messages.
5. Ask to go “halvsies” on something insignificantly small, like a bag of chips or a cookie, stating that you’re “watching your figure.”
6. Yo Mamma Jokes.
7. Begin every story with “When I was watching Family Guy . . .”
8. When someone says that they’re getting a hair cut, yell “WHICH ONE?!” and then aggressively laugh.
9. Whenever someone starts a story “One time . . .” interrupt them by saying “at band camp . . .”
10. Suggest a Backstreet Boys of Nsync song during a school dance and then act cool mouthing all the words.
11. Inform everyone you see that you have “the skillz that killz”
12. Continue to type “ur,” “idc,” and “idk” online even though you’re in high school
13. Make unnecessarily racist comments while at a formal place like, for example, church.
14. Obsessively use South Park jokes in real life situations.
15. Refer to Hanukkah as “Jew Day.”
16. Argue that you coined an already publicized catchphrase like “Boo-Yah” or “Ching-A-Ling.”
17. Warn everyone that their faces are “about to get rocked off” before playing guitar.
18. Ask people if they’d like “ice for that burn” after making fun of them.
19. Remind everyone that you’re going to heaven because you legally download music.
20. Point to someone’s outfit and say “nice shirt, does it come in hetero?”
21. Try to convince everyone that you’re internationally cultured because you went to Hawaii.
22. Insist that you can pull off a pink tie.
23. Never let your friends forget that one time you loaned them a dollar.
24. Ask to see someone’s phone and then secretly read their text messages. Snicker obnoxiously and glance at them.
25. Pretend to shoot someone in the chest when they’re wearing a Superman shirt and then tediously explain to them the Dane Cook skit. Call them a fag when they don’t laugh.
Likewise, here are a few things you could to that will automatically neutralize all your weaknesses and make you the coolest person ever.
1. Anytime you see a guy holding a purse for his girlfriend, ask him if that’s where he keeps his testicles.
2. Whenever a girl is being bitchy, call her the “Queen of Mean” and then sarcastically respond “yes your highness” to everything she says.
3. Chuck Norris Jokes. But not lame ones like “Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer,” you need quality ones like these.