This afternoon, while minding my business and spending my computer time as diligently as possible, I stumbled across another blog like mine. Only, instead of being dedicated to getting laughs at other’s expense and making a joke out of every serious situation imaginable, this blog was dedicated to the complete opposite: God.
I have learned from an early age that there is nothing funny about God, Jesus Christ, or any of his 12 gay lovers—I mean disciples. In church (yes I went to church) I was never allowed to laugh, giggle, snicker, smirk, or even breathe harshly during the service, in fear that my father would beat me with a bible. In fact, for some odd, unexplainable reason, my father somehow convinced me that—given the proper circumstances—it was 100% allow to strike your child in church. Within a week, after looking around and observing, I began to think that it was actually holy to hit your child. I figured that the reason priests were considered so divine was because they had 12 or 13 children at their house strapped down beds with knives in their sides. In retrospect I now see that the priests did, in fact, have children strapped down to beds in their houses, but for a different reason [oH DiiP].
Upon viewing this person’s homepage, I noticed an immediate sense of peace emitting from its digital message. The heading was peaceful grass (as opposed to violent grass) and the posts appeared to be calmly written, with each word carefully chosen. Of course, I never really confirmed this observation because I was too busy reading the pissed off, angry message on the side that seemed to yell:
THIS SITE IS FOR EVANGELISM [Spreading the good news of Jesus]. IF YOU ARE NOT SAVED, YOU ARE UNDER GOD’S ETERNAL WRATH. GOD’S ETERNAL WRATH IS HELL. AS WE ALL WERE BEFORE SALVATION, YOU ARE A GOD-HATING REBEL RUNNING AWAY FROM GOD. THERE IS GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, HOWEVER. “GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON THAT WHOSOEVER BELIEVES ON HIM SHALL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE.” JOHN 3:16. GOD IN HIS MERCY AND GRACE WILL REACH OUT TO YOU FOR SALVATION. ALL WHO ARE SAVED ARE SAVED BY FAITH ALONE, THROUGH GRACE ALONE, BY CHRIST ALONE. I CANNOT SAVE YOU THROUGH MY WORDS. MY ONLY JOB IS TO GIVE YOU THE GOSPEL. I PRAY THAT I GLORIFY HIM IN ALL THAT I DO.
The immediate feeling of comfort and tranquility that I once got from this site was immediately ruined, and I exited out of the website before I could read anymore angry preaches about how I’m going to hell.
Let me make it known that I am well aware that I am going to hell. I have sinned for times than Michael Jackson, and intend to sin more. But there is something a lot different from knowing that you’re going to hell, and someone yelling at you that you’re going to hell. I guess this lady (who goes by the name of “Amazing Grace”) just gave me the realization that I needed to open my eyes. I have now recognized the fact that I am also one of God’s children, and that by sacrificing his one son, he opened up a life of opportunity for Christians throughout the world.
NOT! If anything, this lady has made me realize that everyone is just scared of sinning, and think that if they put the blame onto everyone else—with the help of a little contextual evidence—they can free their guilt. I mean, if God really up in heaven with a Mac computer (of course God uses a Mac, shut up) checking all the website of people who praise him? And even if that isn’t the reason people post up sites, it’s not going to help anyone. I mean, my site provides comedic relief from your busy, work-crushed life. People come to my site to laugh at everyday things, to learn new things in life, and mainly to comment about how good looking I am.
On the other hand, when someone reads a site like Amazing Grace’s, they don’t experience, gain anything, or even necessarily agree. The onyl thing people realize after reading her site is that they have to take a really really big poop. To make things clearer this woman even explains in full detail what her intensions are of her blog are:
MY ONLY JOB IS TO GIVE YOU THE GOSPEL. I PRAY THAT I GLORIFY HIM IN ALL THAT I DO.
Yet, no one reading her site is suddenly going to fall off their chair, start shaking wildly, and realize that they’re saved. Text has never convinced anyone of anything (with the exception of the Tupac Death Theory), especially not one about the bible.
Maybe I am going to hell. Maybe I’m going to hell so bad that my immediate family is going to hell. Maybe it’s because of people like me that we have war and crime and starvation. Or maybe it’s your fault