And Don’t Even Get Me Started On The Dutch . . .

Ahh yes, winter. A time where kids pray for snow days, parents insist on “bundling up,” and gay-ass French kids raid our school.

It’s not like I have anything against French people. Hell, I’m French! I just don’t believe that ignorant Europeans should be allowed in our country, criticizing our food and raping out women. Well okay, they’re not necessarily raping our women, but they might as well be. Every time I walk down the hall, eat lunch, or do anything with my friends, all I hear is:

-Oh my God that French kid is so hot
-That one’s my boyfriend
-The one with blonde hair? What’s his name?
-I don’t know

Although I will say that the French girls roaming my lunchroom are the hottest thing to come to AHS since Dane Cook, but us guys are far too mature to be goggling over beautiful women. That, and we’re eating.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had visitors either. Arlington High has been harboring foreigners for years. In 8th grade we dealt with INSANE Japanese students, 9th grade was German kids, and I believe at the beginning of this year we even had Irish students. These kids weren’t much trouble, mainly because they were modest, polite, and ugly. They would just shadow their assigned guide from class to class, minding their own business and not even thinking about our American girls (with the exception of the German people, who cringed at the though of educated women).

This year, the French people wasted no time insulting our culture. In fact, the first day they were here, they immediately taunted us about how unsanitary our food is, how innutritious our salads are, and how our bottled water looked like “l’arroser le trou que je pisse dans” (literally, “a donkey’s lost cousin”).

I am completely used to French people insulting my lifestyle, appearance, hygiene, penis size, etc. Ever summer, my family goes to France, where I am publicly flawed for my lack of “sophistication.” The only way I can get them to stop is by threatening to fight them, in which case they quickly surrender and thoroughly apologize.

If you are a fellow American, and you don’t like the fact that those French bastards are coming in here to insult our culture and steal our women, then join together with me! Simply send a hate-filled letter (don’t be shy to add a few exclamations marks and capital letters) to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW expressing your displeasure with these “foreigners.”

As for you French people, let me make this very clear:

J’accepte en fait votre culture, et croire que vous les gens sont ver doués. Je parle juste négativement de vous parce que mes amis sont tous Américains ignorants, et si je ne fais pas les rire ils me couperont. Nous sommes tout juste jaloux que vous gens sont mieux que nous au football, à dater, et à la vie. L’enfer si ce n’était pas pour Zinedine Zidane vous les gars auraient conclu la Coupe Du Monde ! S’il vous plaît ne pas prendre que j’ai dit aussi personnellement. Vous pouvez prendre toutes mes amies pour tout je soigne. Merci pour est tels grands sports.

Yeah, that’ll show them.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “And Don’t Even Get Me Started On The Dutch . . .

  1. This is what Google reported as the translation of that French passage:

    I accept in fact your culture, and to believe that you them people are worm gifted. I speak just negatively about you because my friends all are American ignoramuses, and if I do not make the laughter they will cut me. We are just jealous that you people are better than us with football, with to date, and with the life. The hell if it were not for Zinedine Zidane you them guy would have concluded the World cup! Please not to take that I said too personally. You can take all my friends for all I look after. Thank you for is such great sports.

  2. So Many Great Blogs and ways to customize it

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