In The News Today . . .

20-year-old actress Lindsay Lohan has publicly announced she is 7 days sober. This is truly an accomplishment for the young start, and I think I speak for all of us when I say that we don’t give a crap. As a matter of a fact, last time I checked the drinking ago remained at 21, so shouldn’t Lindsey be arrested or fined, or at least forced to flash us? Reporters stated that Lindsey realized she had a drinking problem when (quote):

She punched an infant in the face

But it’s okay now, because Ms. Lohan will be going to Alcohol Anonymous (or in this case, Alcohol Take-A-Bunch-Of-Pictures-Of-You-And-Post-Them–Around-The-Internet) and claims she has gone 7 days without drinking. “That’s this many” she stated, holding up her fingers.

How is it possible that when a young celebrity announces that he/she has a drinking problem, everyone finds pity for them and cheers them through AA, totally forgetting the fact that they’re underage? If police were to see Lindsay walking out of a club with a martini in her hand, they wouldn’t even question her. In fact, they would probably ask for her autograph and try to find someone with a camera. Although Lindsey did tell People Magazine, “I don’t drink when I go to clubs. I drink with my friends at home,” to which she added, “It’s after I’m bombed that I go out with friends.”

If I were to inform everyone (let alone People Magazine) that I have a drinking problem. I would not be pitied of cheered through AA. I would be publicly humiliated and my dad would smash me with a radio. When Lindsey’s mother was asked about her daughter attending AA (leading to the point that she was obviously aware of her drinking) she remarked “you know, a lot of people she hangs out with go, and it’s a positive thing,” confirming the fact that all of Lindsey’s friends are alcoholics.

There is really no word about what celebrities will try to do next, although I did hear from a little bird called TIME MAGAZINE that Ashley Olson ate a crouton and that Mary-Kate is 30 seconds sober from cocaine.

Oh no wait, scratch that last part.


1 Comment

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One response to “In The News Today . . .

  1. alana

    ARE YOU SERIOUS~!!!!!! SHE ATE A CROUTON !!!!! OMG NO WAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!whoa.

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