Our School Nurse

Today is Thursday, October 19 of 2006.  I am currently deathly ill and probably will die within the hour, and I thought I should at least have you guys laugh before I die.

I started feeling sick last weekend on Saturday night.  It might have been because I caught an STD when my soccer team raped me, or it might have been due to the fact that I was doused in water and forced to walk home at 11 oclock in the 14 degree weather.  Whatever the reason, I was blessed with a horrible cough, which later transformed into full-blown AIDS.  Last night I felt fine, and only had my cough which I figured I could survive the day with.  I woke up in the morning, ignored the fact that my limbs were missing, and went to school.  Upon arriving at school, my body decided that it would be fun to cause me to have a runny nose, pounding headache, and keep my cough.  In the middle of Spanish class I asked to go down to the nurse, where I was told by my parents to call them to get dismissed.

The Arlington High School nurses office (for those of you who have never been) is inconveniently located near the main staircase, main lobby, and cafeteria.  This means that on my one trip to the nurse I had to show my hallpass to 182 teachers, 64 janitors, and a small portuguese infant.  When I got to the nurse’s office I signed in and waited to be attented to.

I had been to the school nurse before when I had a sickness, and I deffinetly don’t remember it being like it was today.  The lady looked at me and rolled her eyes, as if I was coming into her office at the most annoying time.  Because it’s not like she’s there to look after kids who are not feeling good or anything, of course not.  I came in, told her my name, and sat down on her uncomfortable stool.

Nurse–  Okay, what seems to be the matter?

Me– Well, I’ve had a cough for the past week, but today it’s the worst.  And I have a big headache and a runny nose.

Nurse– Let me take a look.
**Grabs stethoscope and puts it on my heart**
Nurse–  Hmmmm.  Okay, well your heart is fine.

Me– I know, it’s my throat that’s hurting me because of my cough.

Nurse– Okay, well I’m going to check your reflexes.

Me– Can you just call my dad so I can get dismissed?!

Nurse–  I would, but you’re not sick

Me– Yeah I am!  My cough sounds like an elephant with asma.

Nurse– Well that’s not my problem now is it?

Me– Well can’t you do something about it?!

Nurse (running a thing over my forehead)- Well you don’t have a fever

Me– I DIDN’T SAY I HAD A FEVER!!!

Nurse– Well if you did you’d be lieing.

Me– Just call my dad.

The nurse did call my dad, and I was taken to his house to sleep for the day.  I slept for 5 mire hours, and by the time I woke up school was over.  I basically did exactly what I would have done all day, only I substituted a desk for a nice comfy bed.

If you ever get the chance to miss school for being sick, don’t.  Tomorrow I have to go to school on a Friday and get all the work that I missed.  Plus I’m not going to be able to play in my soccer game due to my health conditions, which will probably send me in an endless loop of sucking, and cause me to live on the streets at the age of 17.

Either that, or become a school nurse.

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