My Clean Hygiene

Today I would like to share with everyone a little secret I have on hygiene.  Now adays it is neccesary to have perfect hygiene in order to have any social stauts what-so-ever.  Its now like the old days where if you were muddy, sweaty, and didn’t shower you were simply considered a peasant and were still able to vote.  In modern days, if you do not shower every morning and apply deodorant, you are considered mentally retarted, and are forced to be put on heavy medication.

The simple, high-maintenance American would discribe “good hygiene” simply as showering, applying deodorant, hairgel, washing your hair, wearing clean clothes, wiping your ass, cutting your hair, clipping your nails, shaving, and not eating carrots.  This is why I have brought it upon myself to provide you with the perfect way to not only shower, but wipe your ass (AT THE SAME TIME)

WARNING: This material is only meant to be read by the eyes of men, so I would like all girls to immediately stop reading this and never look at my website again.

Okay, so now that no one has paid any attention to the warning, let’s continue:
We’ve all been in the situation where you have to take a crap right before you get in the shower.  When faced with this problem, there are thousands of things to consider

  • Do you keep your clothes on while sitting on the toilet, or just get ass naked before crapping?
  • Do you bother turning on the shower and let it warm up while crapping, or do you keep the shower off until you’re fully relieved?
  • Do you bother washing your hands after you wipe?
  • Do you wipe?!

Well all these problems are easily solved with my new method, which is the newest craze since sweatbands.

When you’re in the bathroom, and you have to crap and shower, simply turn on the shower and let it warm up.  Then strip down ass naked and take a quick crap, but when you’re done done actually crapping, don’t bother wiping.  Instead, get up and step into the shower.  Then, bend over as if you’re picking up something, and spread your ass cheeks.  This allows the water to WIPE YOUR ASS FOR YOU.  When you’re done “wiping” and your ass feels beautifully clean (more clean than it could ever feel if you had normally wiped) you can simply stand up and continue to shower normally.  You will step out of the shower newly refreshed and you can simply get dressed.

That is my helpful tip for the day, and I might contribute more later when I discover another revolutionary way to keep clean.  I’ll probably think up a way to brush your teeth and tie your shoes.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “My Clean Hygiene

  1. zach

    this is fucking hilarious too

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