Arguing With Your Parents

In a recent arguement with my parents, I was fortunate enough to be reminded how unfair arguing with your parents is, and also how rarely a child actually wins these fights.  I am now going to give you a play-by-play senerio of every fight you’ve ever had with your parent.

Your parent comes walking cooly into your room and sits down on your bed.  They ask how your school day went, and you simply reply “good” without even looking away from your computer (of course you’re on your computer!).  Your parent then asks to see your agenda book, or asks if you did all your homework.  You tell them that you did, and then they stermly look into your eyes and say that they “want to make sure that you’re doing all your homework this year” or that “this year isn’t going to be a repeat of last year.”

After a few minutes the talk segues into a yelling, finger-pointing arguement that you are winning.  You are able to not only defend yourself, but you’re criticizing your parent for “not trusting you” or “not giving you space.”  It takes a few more minutes for your parent to realize that their back is against the ropes, and you are actually proving a point.  But it is in the Parenting Handbook that a child must never win an agruement, so they pull this one out.  Ready?

“Because I’m your parent and I say so.”
or (even worse)
“Because as long as you live under my roof, you live by my rules.”

It’s at that point that you know you’ve won.  In your mind you are having a parade because you know that you have officially beat your parent in a fight.  You want to run up to them and yell in their face: “YEAH.  HOW YOU LIKE THAT BITCH!?!?!  THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR MESSING WITH ME!!  THIS IS MY HOUSE!!”  But wait, you can’t.  You know why?  Because it’s true.  They are your parent, and they do say so.  So instead of having a parade in your mind, you are forced to accept the fact that you will never win an arguement, and that they are always right.

My dad is the worst, because he knows that when he says “because I’m your parent and I say so” it means I’ve won, so he does something even stupider.  At the end of the arguement, after I basically swept the floor with him and he notices that he’s lost.  He pulls this:

“Fine Alex, but don’t expect anything from me later.”

And he stomps out of the room, slamming my door behind him.  He then barges back in 5 minutes later and orders me to do some ridiculous chore that he never would have assigned me if we didn’t have the fight.  One time he went upstairs and turned on all the lights, and then commanded that I go upstairs and turn them off.  I really didn’t care, because I knew that this was sort of my “victory lap” around the house to show that I won.

Before I go onto what happens when a parent wins the arguement (95.8% of the time) I would like to tell everyone that I have witnessed a child winning an arguement.  It was my best friend Nell, and she was arguing with her mom over the phone about something stupid (because every arguement with Nell can be solved with basic talking, but Nell decides it’s easier to get your point across my violently hollering).  Nell’s mom was trapped in the corner, and Nell was about to go for the win, when her mom tapped out.

“Fine Nell, you can stay out past 11, but I want you home at 12.”

Have you ever watched a wrestlers face when they are mid-bodyslam and their opponent suddenly moves out of the way?  Well that was the exactly look Nell had when her mom said that.  I’m pretty sure that her mom was just tired of a 15 year old girl screaming in her ear, not letting her finish any sentence, and saying “obnoxious” and “actually” every other word, so she backed off.  Whatever the case, Nell was devastated that she wasn’t able to apply the finishing blow to her mother.  The point is that Nell was one of the rare cases in history when a child actually wins a fight with their parent.

Now, when a parent notices that they have won an arguement with you, it’s a completely different story.  You are now the one with your back to the wall, and you back out with something like “FINE!!  Just get out of my room!!”  You parent then leaves, only this time they leave the door open a crack (this will come into play later).  You sit there in your computer (yup, you’re still at your computer) moping in your muddle of guilt, when suddenly, your parent (who is now two rooms down) remembers another amazing point they have to confirm their victory.  They barge into your room unannounced.

“Oh, and another thing . . .”

Your parent then proves another deadly point to help them win the pointless arguement that was already over, and before you can say anything in defense, they leave again.  Don’t worry though, they’re back the next 15 seconds with another sneak attack point to prove you wrong.

There is a famous saying that I just made up that goes:

“Children arguing with their parents is like women arguing for their rights.  Even if they win, they still have no authority”
-Alex Boonstra


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