Most of you kids reading this website don’t know it, but you’re really very fortunate to be here on this earth. And do you know why you’re here on this earth? Because your parents allowed you to have guns and swords when you were growing up. My parents (well, mostly my mom) refused to let me play with those cap guns and basically anything that hinted even the slightest thought of being a real weapon. When the 2nd Star Wars movie came out, my mom even refused to by me a lightsaber. I was forced to duel with the other, lightsaber-bearing kids with a mear stick.
One year, when I was a small little boy, I went to a medival castle with my friend’s family. We learned about catapults and knights, and how they used to launch knights onto the catapults when they got bored. After the museum was over, my friend’s (Nate) mother allowed us to each buy a sword and shield. We all bought a wooden sword, and the matching wooden shield (mine was white), and planned on meeting later at his house for a sleepover and a “Huge Sword Fight” as we called it.
Too bad the second I got home my mom took the wooden sword from me claiming that it was too “dangerous” and that I could “take my brother’s eye out.” So when I returned to Nate’s house that night (embarrassed that my mom took my sword away and I only has a stupid sheild) I had to make up an exotic lie as to why I didn’t have my weapon:
Nate– Where’s your sword?
Me– Oh uhhh, Aliens took it
Me-Yeah, I was just walking down the street, all excited to fight you with my sword, when aliens came and took my sword and called me a booger brain.
Nate– Did you cry?
So I was forced to fight Nate that night with only a shield. I don’ t know if you “sword-bearing” kids know this, but it is very difficult to win a fight against a wooden sword when all you have is your hands.
The lost time I had a “violent” weapon was a cap gun I bought at the 5&10. I had it for a total of 4 days before my parents noticed I was “shooting” people from my bedroom window. They immediatly confiscated the plastic gun, and told me that if they ever found me playing with toy guns, knives, swords, lightsabers, throwing stars, or sharp hoola hoops ever again, they would ground me for the rest of my life.
To this day, I honestly do not have any toy weapons. Although, I did have a dream in which I jousted Dr. Phil and won, but that’s another story.