About Bizzoony

Note: Because my parents think that I am going to get raped through this website, I am forced to substitute all the “personal” material with common information in order to deter pedophiles. I personally don’t consider them a threat, but my stubborn father continues to bitch and whine (I love you dad). In order to convenience you I will not tell you what I changed about my information, because I know that you’re not really pedophiles. Although I guess it’s the right thing to do, seeing as how you’ve all stared at a picture of me as a naked child. Sickos.

JOHN SMITH (AKA: Boony) is a 400 year old comedy writer. He attends A SCHOOL YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF where he leads his class in most friends and lowest GPA. Last year alone he got a record three F’s (which he insists is for “fantastic”) but he doesn’t think that will stop him from being a professional comedy writer. Miraculously, Boony’s parents (who he describes as “Grade Nazis”) still allow him to live, and even maintain a website. Here, he enjoys putting comedy into everyday scenarios, making fun of people, and talking about himself in the third person. Every now and then his website is revoked due to his poor grades, but Boony doesn’t let that faze him because he’s a badass.

For extracurricular activities, Boony plays piano, hockey, and baseball. He is also captain of the A SCHOOL YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF varsity soccer team and leads his team to victory every day. He used to be on the track team, but when he realized that it actually involved running he immediately quit. During his free time Boony listens to music (his favorite song is More Than A Feeling by Boston, which means that it should now be your favorite song too), dances wildly throughout his room to extreme techno (his favorite techno song is Everytime We Touch by Cascade), and juggles (his juggling song is Rhythm Of The Night by La Bouche). He says that by the time he is 34, he is going to teach himself to juggle chainsaws, and then lose his hands in a freak chainsaw-juggling accident in order to get money from his life insurance. Most of Boony’s work is put towards this blog, and during school he chooses to write comedy instead of taking notes. Many will say that this is the cause of his bad grades, but everyone knows it’s because Boony’s teachers hate him for being so good looking.

If someone were forced to describe Boony in one word, they would most likely say “famous.” Boony is so famous that just talking to him could make you famous. But Boony’s fame is not just through the internet, he has also made a large impact on the television word.  For example, Boony was on an episode of the MTV show MADE where he was labeled as the “best rapper in the school.”  Boony says that it’s no big deal, and the fame has deffinetly not gone to his head.  Other words to portray Boony would be “hilarious,” “gorgeous,” and “superior.” However, some people have chosen “retarded,” but Boony thinks that those comments have nothing to do with his 1.4 GPA and is only because they are jealous of his fame.

Many people have doubted Boony’s brilliance. These are the people you see on Cops getting their ass handed to them by police officers. Scientists say that the strength at which you doubt Boony is directly proportional to how hard the police beat your ass. Sadly, this has not stopped people from criticizing Boony’s work. One of these people was Rodney King. Now, Rodney sends Boony flowers everyday.

For those of you who would like to challenge Boony, he is more than happy to battle you. Unfortunately, Boony only battles in two ways:

1. A sword wielding clash identical to those in ancient Rome’s Coliseum in which gladiators would fight to the death
2. A rap battle

If you feel that you would stand a chance against Boony in either of these encounters, feel free to test his cunning. Let you be warned, though, that your fatality rate is 95%.

If you have any questions for Boony, or just want to let him know how much you hate him because he’s better than you, feel free to IM him at RandyQuenchVFM. You may be wondering why Boony’s screen name is a name other than his own, seeing as how he is so spectacular, and the reason is because Randy Quench is a straight up G. For those of you who have never watched All That, Randy Quench was the lunatic Volunteer Fireman who would misinterpreted people. Example:

Person: Wow, this chili is really spicy, my mouth is on fire!
Randy Quench: DID SOMEBODY SAY FIRE?!

Randy was known for his catchphrase “Here Comes ME” which he would yell before busting down a large fence, wall, door, etc. in order to save his victim. Boony does not have a catchphrase, but if he did it would probably be all the lyrics to More Than A Feeling. He understands that this would be a very long catchphrase, but he thinks that it will be acceptable due to his good looks.

Boony hopes you enjoy his website, and if you don’t he dares you to make a better one.